Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Marriage - the key to finding happiness?

I went to an amazing wedding at the weekend. The ceremony took place under an ancient oak tree and the symbolic significance was portrayed in a very touching way - not laboured at all. Everyone 'got it' easily enough. The bride has a young son (6 years old) from a former relationship and the groom has been a terrific influence on him over the last few years. Their vows were so heartfelt and the gathering of friends (40% of them from interestate or overseas) were all feeling the love. The reception was a stand up affair in one of melbourne's lesser known nighclubs in a trendy part of town. The word 'nightclub' doesn't do it justice because it had a sophisticated burlesque feel to it, rich satin fabrics, dark hardwood fixtures and awesome cocktails! The speaches were all fantastic and kept to a good length and the atmosphere was just so relaxed and warm.

Several people noted that as the married couple, it's only at a wedding where one can truly enjoy the company of all your closest friends and family. The only comparison is one's funeral! And there, you don't actually get to mix with your guests!

Conclusion? Having great friends makes for a great wedding! But what's the lasting effect the next day?

Weddings are often happy events - 'the happiest day of one's life' it is often said. The marriage itself is obviously more important and it's very hard to see the beautiful and generous couple we saw enjoying anything less than bliss for the rest of their lives. The celebrant did talk about the inevitable challenges ahead as people change and the relationship changes. The key, it was proposed, rests in two things:

- the commitment to always keep trying with the utmost determination

- the bravery to keep communicating with utmost honesty

There's an inter-relationship between cause and effect when you think about marriage and happiness. What happens if you don't feel happy anymore in your marriage? Is it you changing, your partner or your relationship. Someone recently described a marriage/relationship to me in terms of it being an entity that itself required nurturing. What have you done recently to nurture your relationship in an unconditional way?   

Honesty and determination - the key to happiness...maybe! Sounds like hard work though! What happened to 'love'? I think love is your motivation. Arguably the best motivation there is.

Posted by comotivate at 12:25 AM in Find happiness Goal
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Tuesday, 2 December 2008

motivation to meditate - step outside your comfort zone

 thanks to http://therapyintransition.blogspot.com/2008/12/new-week-new-theme-how-tos.html for their recent post which I enjoyed reading and wanted to share. They themselves borrowed it from wikihow.com but I guess that's the whole point...

How to Find the Motivation to Meditate
Source: WikiHow.com

Meditation can be a great way to relax and de-stress, as well as to create emotional and spiritual well being. With the hectic pace of life in today's society, however, even these benefits can get lost in our lists of to-do's. Fortunately, meditation may help you overcome these same scarcity conversations in your head. Now if you could just start meditating...A bigger idea: Meditation may be called prayer, perhaps for hours, to find a quiet place, "peace." Some believe in an unknown meditational tone or language ("glossolalia" - lingua) with which the "Holy Spirit" may communicate in "groanings" to the heavenly Father as in "charmistic" meditations.
Charismatic meditation has an attribute of the unseen Holy Spirit in relationship with the Father (discerning the Spirit).

  • Derivation: charis (“grace&rdquo/images/emoticons/mozilla_wink.gif and charizesthai (“to show favour&rdquo/images/emoticons/mozilla_wink.gif, connoting a spiritual grace leading to salvation granted through faith into good works.


Steps

  1. List the reasons why you avoid meditation. Handle the problems.
    • If you don't like spending an hour meditating, or you get frustrated easily, then try half an hour. Or ten minutes. One true moment in meditation will be greater than one hour spent fidgeting and grumbling.
    • If you feel too busy to be still (in body or mind), then give yourself permission to be completely and totally free during your meditation time. (Yes, that means turn off your cell phone.) After all, you deserve to be peaceful as much as you deserve to eat, sleep, or breathe. It is a part of who you are. Furthermore, the world around you—your family, your friends, your companion animals, even strangers—deserve for you to be peaceful, too.
    • If you are distracted by your environment, then change what you can control, wait for quietude, or find a more serene location.
    • If you feel like a failure, then remind yourself that in meditation, there is no such thing as failure. Or success, really. Do not be attached to your results. They do not tell you who you are, only where you are.
    • If you feel physically uncomfortable in your posture, then try sitting on a pillow or in a chair. Lie down if you have to do so. You can always try other postures later.
    • If you feel emotionally or physically disturbed (other than how you're sitting), then you may have some mental or emotional issues that you need to address. Meditation may help you with your problems, but usually other techniques are quite effective too, sometimes more effective. Try for example to write your thoughts down.
    • If you have other reasons for avoiding meditation, analyze them and create your own solutions. You know what you need better than anyone.

  2. Schedule meditation into your day. While it may not motivate you to meditate, at least you won't have anything else to do at that moment (it's true—check your schedule!).
  3. Try meditating first thing in the morning or last thing at night. At these times, you will probably be least busy, so there will be a limited number of excuses. Moreover, early morning meditation may help you focus throughout the day, and late night meditation may help you sleep deeply.
  4. Make meditation enjoyable rather than a chore. Perhaps you could create a "meditation zone" in your house or play soothing music.
  5. Find a community. You may enjoy meditating with others. If you prefer solitary meditation, you may be motivated by discussing meditation with a supportive friend that also meditates, exchanging insights and questions.
  6. Continually remind yourself of the benefits of meditation. (Remember that one benefit for busy people is that meditation may help you remain more aware and focused, which will make all those tasks you have to perform much easier!)

Tips

  • Make sure you are comfortable while you are meditating. Full lotus position, for example, may look cool, but it may not be a comfortable position for you. If you are uncomfortable, you'll hardly be able to motivate yourself to practice meditation on a regular basis!
  • Prolonged stress can result in serious health problems. Even if you are busy, make sure you take some time to relax, such as through meditation, for your own well being.
  • If you find it difficult to meditate start with sitting for just 10 minutes at a time and gradually increase the time as you feel able. 10 minutes a day will benefit you as you become accustomed to your meditation.
  • Try listening to your favorite music and if you can, wear headphones, this makes the music more personal to you as you sit with your eyes closed.
  • If you want to, keep an area of your home just for meditating. Put crystals around the area and light candles during your meditation. Make where you meditate a special place, and in time you will be aware that the energy where you sit is far calmer, because it will become a special place to you.
  • Have fun! Meditation should be fun. Put a little smile on your face to remind yourself to be happy. Smile with your heart, eyes and mind. If it doesn't go the way you want it to go, just laugh at how silly your mind is.
  • There are thousands of styles of meditation. Mixing it up and finding new methods (often free, most with creative visualizations) can really keep you looking forward to the next session. Then you can stimulate your imagination a lot easier, making meditations extremely enjoyable. Ya know, the cyclic thing.



Warnings

  • Be aware that circumstances (of varying importance) will arise in your life. It is up to you if you decide to follow through with your commitment to meditate. As a meditation in itself, notice when and why you decide to meditate anyway. Also, notice when and why you decide to skip meditation. There is no need to judge yourself. Simply notice and learn.

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Find Motivation to Meditate. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Posted by comotivate at 10:22 AM in Find happiness Goal
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